Night Crumbs

August 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson pretty much confirmed they’re doing each other by kissing at Heathrow in London. Ashley was also wearing a C necklace. So either they’re a thing, or they’re just gal pals doing gal pal things like kissing at the airport! And I’m gayer than a purple glitter butt hair bead and even I wish I was getting with Cara Delevingne. I mean, she’s Dame Joan Collins’ goddaughter. Enough said.  – Just Jared

The Tonight Show is turning into Celebrity Fear Factor and it won’t be long before we see Dame Jude Dench trying to chug a blended rat shake – Lainey Gossip

So according to Will.i.am, I can lose 20 pounds by cutting out sugar and meat. “I’ll get right on that” is what I said before chomping into a sugar-coated ground beef bar – Celebitchy

Kathy Griffin and Kate Beckinsale had a bikini-off for some reason – Drunken Stepfather

This post on why Denise Richards joined Real Housewives of Beverly Hills should be three words long and those three words should be: for the check – Reality Tea

Matthew Weiner’s The Romanoffs is stuffed full of a thousand white actors you know – Pajiba

Someone definitely has and will continue to fap to this – Towleroad

In that still shot, it looks like my favorite living artist Britney Spears is queefing out another masterpiece – Hollywood Tuna

Ariana Grande did My Heart Will Go On, and I didn’t hate it. Punch me with a bowl of poutine for being a traitor to Celine Dion! – OMG Blog

Today in terrible puns: Sofia Vergara served up some magnificent AmeriCANS on the set of Modern FamilyPopoholic

Pic: Instagram

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The Trailer For Taraji P. Henson’s Gender-Flipped “What Men Want” Is Here

August 14, 2018 / Posted by:

As promised, Hollywood has delivered a reboot of the 2000 Nancy Meyers film, What Women Want called What Men Want, and the first trailer was released today. If you’re into Taraji P. Henson in top-shelf power bitch business suits, you’re going to be all over this movie.

In the trailer, we learn that instead of advertising executive Mel Gibson creeping on women’s brains, it’s sports agent Taraji P. Henson using men’s thoughts against them in an attempt to break through the glass ceiling.

That image above is from right after Taraji’s character discovers what her brain can do. And honestly, that’s probably the same face I’d make if I had just discovered that I was now trapped in a mental prison that involved hearing the inner thoughts of the men around me. I live two doors down from a frat house, so my skull would basically be a never-ending nightmare box filled with inner-monologues about MMA, “smoking hot broads” and Jägermeister.

In What Women Want, Mel Gibson gained access to women’s minds by falling into the bathtub while holding a hairdryer. In What Men Want, Taraji’s magic happens after she meets with a psychic played by Erykah Badu, who offers her some jasmine tea with just a pinch of weed, peyote, and crack. Is Erykah even playing a character? That is kind of how she dresses in real life, and some of the shit she’s said recently definitely sounds like the work of drug tea. Why do I get the feeling that at least once, as she was pouring that tea, she looked at the cameras and said: “So, are you guys filming a movie?

Pic: YouTube

Safaree Samuels Claims Nicki Minaj Almost Killed Him During A Fight

August 14, 2018 / Posted by:

The up-the-nose angle is never a good look for anyone, but that’s not the most uncomfortable part of this old picture of Safaree Samuels and Nicki Minaj. Safaree and Nicki dated for about fourteen years, and their break-up was a mess-and-a-half (to say the least). Now Safaree is claiming that things were also messy while they were dating, to the point that Nicki allegedly put him in the hospital and he almost died.

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Melanie Griffith Is Over Marriage

August 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Just because Melanie Griffith has no qualms serving as witness at a wedding officiated by Kris Jenner, don’t expect her to utilize her services! One- Kris probably charges out the ass and makes you invite Scott Disick. Two- after three husbands and four walks down the aisle, Melanie is done with marriage. She’s looking for something casual…just don’t expect her to go looking for it on Tinder, commoners.

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Open Post: Hosted By Big Dipper Redoing Lucky Vanous’ Diet Coke Commercial 

August 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Your mom probably remembers the day she wrecked a pair of chonies by shooting a jet stream of coochie cream into ’em while watching hairy nippled hotness Lucky Vanous suck down a can of Diet Coke in a 1994 commercial that is an important panty creaming artifact. Well, bear lovers are going to mark August 13th down as the day that they wrecked a pair of chonies by prolapsing into ’em while watching queer rapper Big Dipper orgasm on the inside as a 2-liter Diet Coke bottle busts an endless carbonated jizz geyser all over him.

In case you’re uneducated in the subject of important panty creaming artifacts, the original Diet Coke Break commercial starred Lucky Vanous as a hot construction worker who makes the ladies in a nearby office building shoot their clits off every time he takes a topless Diet Coke break. Big Dipper put a gay bear spin on it, and I don’t know if those office gays are getting the swoons from that Diet Coke shower or from those denim huevos suffocaters. Or both!

This is what you call “suffering for your art,” because Big Dipper probably looks like a hairless bear now after that chemical sugar water burned all of his luscious fur off. It was worth it.

Pic: Instagram

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Stephanie Mills Dragged Sam Smith Off The Planet For Not Liking Michael Jackson

August 14, 2018 / Posted by:

The George Michael Lite known as Sam Smith was on an innocent boat ride to Catalina Island with Adam Lambert when choppy waters came his way in the form of Michael Jackson fans grabbing him by the tip of his widow’s peak and throwing him into the ocean with the sharks. The man version of Adele (Mandele?) learned that the only thing you have to do to get MJ superfans, including Grammy-winning singer and the original Dorothy in The Wiz Stephanie Mills, to declare you public enemy #1 is to say the words: I don’t like Michael Jackson. Sam Smith better wear an industrial-strength helmet and sunglasses made out of steel whenever he goes outside, because you know the dove lady from Michael Jackson’s child molestation trial is going to send her birds to peck a trick to death.

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