Night Crumbs

July 31, 2015 / Posted by:

Kate Moss and her Count von Count-looking ass husband of 4 years Jamie Hince are probably done for real, because he was seen getting touchy with model Jessica Stam. If their marriage is really done, this means that the long-awaited triumphant reunion of the Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton of our time, Kate Moss and Pete Doherty, can finally happen! (That’s probably not a good idea, though) – Lainey Gossip 

Whitney Cummings gained some chunk for the sake of her face – WWTDD

Nobody likes Mondays, except for Mimi’s billionaire boyfriend, because that’s when she gives up the coochie, apparently – Celebitchy

That Helen Mirren wax figure in the black dress better be wearing exquisite Lucite heels – Tom + Lorenzo

Tami Roman of Basketball Wives and Real World: Los Angeles (the first one) had a miscarriage :(Reality Tea 

Presenting the hot pieces at Guy Ritchie’s wedding – Popsugar

Germany’s finest rose and her TOTALLY natural chichis got their own calendar. The pictures are NSFW, because it would be awkward if you passed out in your cubicle due to the massive amounts of organic beauty in these pictures – Drunken Stepfather

Sorry Games of Thrones, but Lifetime’s Full House movie is obviously going to sweep the Emmys next year – Egotastic

Heidi Klum’s nipple looks like this, in case you forgot – The Superficial 

MiserAlba either smells a fart or she’s trying to push one out – Popoholic

Leslie Jordan is not the one yesterday, today or tomorrow and will attack your homophobic ass with iced tea if you act wrong in a Starbucks. And it takes a special kind of dumb to say anti-gay shit in a Starbucks in West Hollywood – Towleroad

Ronda Rousey is here to school you on what a “do nothing bitch” is – Hollywood Tuna 

Jessica Alba’s non-toxic sunscreen is as good at not burning you as she is at acting – Jezebel

Reminder: Pretty much everyone on TLC is awful – Pajiba

Vintage (really vintage) David DuchovnySOW

The Facebook baby probably gave Mark Zuckerberg a thumbs up, because she knows she’s going to be SO RICH – Just Jared  

QUICK PROGRAMMING NOTE: Allison is out tomorrow to celebrate National Raspberry Cream Pie Day, so J. Harvey is filling in for her. She’ll be back on Sunday.

Pic: Wenn.com

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Rowdy Roddy Piper Has Died

July 31, 2015 / Posted by:

Well, there goes another piece of my 80s childhood. Roderick Toombs, known as Rowdy Roddy Piper to hos of the 80s and WWE fans, has gone off to the gates of heaven to chew bubblegum and kick ass (and yes, he’s all out of bubblegum).

TMZ says that Roddy Piper died in his sleep from cardiac arrest last night. He was found this morning at his home in Hollywood, CA. He was 61. He was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma back in 2006, but a family member tells TMZ that he was cancer-free at the time of his death.

Roddy Piper was a big reason why the WWF (now the WWE) was huge in the 80s and he was one of the most popular villains. Hulk Hogan was considered a good guy back then and was one of Roddy’s biggest rivals. I know, how times have changed. Roddy pressed pause on his wrestling career in the early 90s to act in movies full-time. He returned to the WWE several times and was inducted into its Hall of Fame in 2005.

Roddy is survived by his wife Kitty and their 4 kids.

Rest in peace Roddy Piper. No one could work a kilt, a belt from Merry Go Round and a too-tight tee like you did.

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Sad Story Time: Elton John’s Estranged Mother Has Become Friends With A Lookalike Of Her Son

July 31, 2015 / Posted by:

Elton John and his 90-year-old mother Sheila Farebrother (that’s a hot last name, by the way) haven’t said a word to each other in over 7 years. Sheila told The Daily Mail a few months ago that Elton stopped talking to her after he demanded that she cut off two of his ex-employees she had become friends with and she refused. Sheila thinks that Elton’s husband David Furnish controls him and is part of the reason why she has no relationship with him. Elton hasn’t completely cut Sheila off. He still pays her bills. Sheila turned 90 back in March and she invited Elton. After he turned down her invitation, she hired an Elton John impersonator to fill the void. That is sadness wrapped in creepiness. (Side note: Please tell me that impersonator had a gig afterward where he had to play Donald Trump and that’s the reason why he’s wearing that dog butt wig.)

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Open Post: Hosted By A Baby Elephant Playing With A Flock Of Swallows

July 31, 2015 / Posted by:

If Disney bought the rights to every Alfred Hitchcock film, this is what they’re crossover movie of Dumbo and The Birds would look like. This video of a baby elephant frolicking amongst the swallows was filmed at Kruger National Park in South Africa and it’s gone viral, because sometimes the world can be a chunky diarrhea puddle of a place and we all need some awww-ness to take us away. My weed box is empty, so this video has been my very temporary stress reliever for the past 2 days. Speaking of, this is probably what most of us looked like when we danced while high on the good shit for the first time:

(And keep YOU. KNOW. WHO. away from this baby elephant.)

via Mashable

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The Time Drake Got Pissed On At A Movie Theater

July 31, 2015 / Posted by:

In case you’re not up on the saddest beef to hit the Internet since (NSFW) Shia LaBeouf’s peen, Drake and Meek Mill are warring, because Meek accused Drake of using ghostwriters and Drake said that Meek needs to change his occupation title to “Nicki Minaj’s coattail surfer.”

Drake has already put out two diss tracks about this feud and last night, Meek Mill finally responded with his own diss track and well… It says everything when the burns made by a porn company, a fast food chain and my favorite Canadian politician about the diss track are better than the burns in said diss track. But in Meek’s Drake diss song titled “Wanna Know,” he spits out a line about how Wheelchair Jimmy took a shower under a golden stream at a movie theater once. The line goes:

You let Tip homie piss on you in a movie theater, nigga, we ain’t forget.

TMZ got to the bottom of that line and found out that it really did happen. They say that back in 2010, Drake went to a private screening of the movie Takers starring T.I., Paul Walker, Idris Elba and Matt Dillon. About 30 minutes into the movie, Drake and one of T.I.’s childhood friends got into a fight over seats. They were all drunk, of course. The fight ended when T.I.’s friend pulled out his dick and made it rain golden showers all over Drake. Drake jumped up and ran out of the screening while screaming “motherfucker.” I guess the piss is mightier than the fist sometimes.

But rap mogul Julia Beverly has a slightly different story. She heard that T.I.’s friend was plastered and took a piss in the aisle. Some of the piss splashed on Drake and he didn’t react.

Whatever the case may be, Drake better expect a movie invitation from R. Kelly and T.I.’s friend better expect the same from Kim Kartrashian. And this story didn’t really faze me, because I’ve been to a gay porn theater once or twice, so I’ve seen a lot more than piss shoot across an aisle. You gotta show up in a goddamn rain slicker.

Pic: Wenn.com

Ashlee Simpson Gave Birth To Diana Ross’ Newest Grandchild

July 31, 2015 / Posted by:

The Simpson and Ross families are now bound together forever. This is the world we live in.

Ashlee Simpson must have been doing her latest pregnancy the Jessica Simpson way, because it felt like that baby was holed up in her womb for years. People says that baby finally decided to come out yesterday and remind Ashlee Simpson what her born nose looked like. Ashlee and her husband of almost a year Evan Ross (government name: Evan Olav Næss) are now parents to a baby girl. This baby is Ashlee’s second, Evan Ross’ first and Miss Ross’ third grandchild. There aren’t many details (and I know that gave you the frowns since you truly care about Ashlee Simpson’s life), but a source did tell People* that Ashlee was suffering from a case of acid-reflux, so she had to lip-synch all her screams and moans during labor.

We don’t know the baby’s name, because I’m sure Ashlee hasn’t found a tabloid who will pay for that news yet.

As all of us who keep up with fucked-up celebrity child names know, Ashlee and Pete Wentz named their now 6-year-old son Bronx Mowgli Wentz (BMW). So I hope Ashlee keeps with the whole “NYC borough, Rudyard Kipling character” theme by naming their daughter Queens Rikki-Tikki Ross.

Here’s Ashlee and Evan at Bed, Bath and Beyond a few days ago.

Pics: Wenn.com

* That’s a lie.

Ben Affleck Did The Nanny In The Bahamas

July 31, 2015 / Posted by:

Yesterday, People said that Christine Ouzounian, the nanny who is supposedly in love with Ben Affleck, went to the Bahamas with him, Jennifer Garner and their kids in June. That was the trip they took to hide out as news of their divorce broke. Jennifer apparently sent Christine to the unemployment line shortly after that trip, because she found out that ho was getting on Ben Affleck. E! News is now saying that Christine and Ben bumped genitals during that trip and that’s why Jennifer Garner fired her. I guess in Jennifer Garner’s world, the answer to the question “It’s 10pm, do you know where your children are?” is: Not with the nanny, because she’s blowing Ben Affleck.

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Jennifer Beals Responds To The Hate She Got For Leaving Her Dog In A Parked Car

July 31, 2015 / Posted by:

For a quick second yesterday, the Internet temporarily moved its rage from that lion-killing cunt dentist-on-the-run to Jennifer Beals for leaving her German Shepherd in the car while she went off to do stuff in West Vancouver. While Jennifer was doing stuff (probably kicking kittens, strangling bunnies and setting puppies on fire), her German Shepherd sat in the car and a few people, including a reporter for Global News, noticed and called her out.

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