Birthday Sluts

February 23, 2018 / Posted by:

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Peter Fonda (78)
Dakota Fanning (24)
Skylar Grey (32)
Aziz Ansari (35)
Emily Blunt (35)
Josh Gad (37)
Kelly MacDonald (42)
Niecy Nash (48)
Daymond John (49)
Mia Michaels (52)
Michael Dell (53)
Veronica Webb (53)
Howard Jones (63)
Brad Whitford (66)
Patricia Richardson (67)
Shakira Caine (71)

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Night Crumbs

February 22, 2018 / Posted by:

Lena’s Dunham’s ex Jack Antonoff was highly offended by the dumb hetero normative gossip that was spewed out about him doing Lorde, but well, the two were recently papped in her hometown doing dumb hetero normative shit like cuddling on the street. Now who’s the dumb hetero normative hetero, Jack? – Lainey Gossip

Since everyone’s on the subject of Time’s Up, the lady-beating allegations against Michael Fassbender have come back up – Celebitchy

That twink swindler from E! tried to swindle a swindler, and it seems like it worked! – Reality Tea

Kathie Lee Gifford better watch it, because something tells me that Adam Rippon and Leslie Jones will be offered the fourth of Today in 3..2.. – Towleroad

I don’t know who IMDB (or however you spell her stage name) is, but I do know that she’s serving loads of “90s day-shift stripper working the floor for a lap dance” elegance – Drunken Stepfather 

Somehow the NRA’s social media intern thought that it was a good idea to use a Leslie Knope GIF in a tweet, and yes, Amy Poehler shit on them for it – Pajiba

Oh, it’s just Martha Hunt being all casual with her right titty hanging out – Hollywood Tuna

Chevy Chase got kicked by a dude from Long Island in a road rage situation. So now he’s gonna change his name to  Chevy Keep A Safe Distance Or I’m Going To Call 911, Bitch. And really, what’s the point of Chevy Chase getting into a road rage fight if grainy cell phone video of it doesn’t leak?  – Cinemablend

Kat Von D is somebody’s wife – Wonderwall

Pic: Instagram

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Ashton Kutcher Went Into The Woods To Deal With Divorcing Demi Moore

February 22, 2018 / Posted by:

Breakups can be a real bitch on the emotions and tear ducts, but I always view them as an excuse to binge eat, toss back a liter of whiskey, and listen to my Spotify playlist called “Sylvia Plath Fantasia.” Not everyone takes my approach (idiots), and that includes Ashton Kutcher. He’s blabbing this week that he handled his divorce with Demi Moore by living for two weeks like I imagine a Björk/Bon Iver baby would live out a lifetime by fasting and living in the woods for a week. Continue reading

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Quincy Jones Is Sorry For Giving Us A Reason To Read Again

February 22, 2018 / Posted by:

The future of print media looked bright a couple of weeks ago. Sure, circulation is down, but a solution had emerged: every magazine and newspaper article forward needed to involve Quincy Jones. Pawpaw Quincy may be 84, but with old age comes fewer and fewer fucks to give. He said he dated Ivanka Trump, made Marlon Brando leap up the gay charts after saying he fucked Richard Pryor and likely set the record for how many times “motherfucker” appeared in a single sitting. Sadly, it sounds like Quincy wants to take it all back. Continue reading

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67-Year-Old Jane Seymour Posed For Playboy

February 22, 2018 / Posted by:

The picture you’re looking at above was taken at an AARP event, which makes sense, considering Jane Seymour is 67 years old. And if I could say the number sixty-seven again, I will, because Jane looks better at 67 than I have at pretty much any time, ever. Hell, if her hair could talk, it might ask: “Sorry, but what’s it like to be a 4? I’m just too used to being a 10 to know.” Jane recently showed all the young, clothing-averse tricks out there that they’re not the only ones who can strip down and show off the goods by posing for Playboy. But since this is the new, classier Playboy, don’t expect to see Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman straddling a doctor’s bag with a stethoscope covering her nipple.

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Open Post: Hosted By Something To Melt Your Ice Cold Corroded Heart 

February 22, 2018 / Posted by:

DISCLAIMER: If you’re proud that you’ve got an unmeltable frostbitten heart made of hardened tar, don’t watch this video or you may be really disappointed with yourself for feeling actual feelings.

Tastefully Offensive says that the adorable pile of fur in this video was taken to a shelter after his first human died. The puppy was adopted by a new human, and during the car ride to her new home, she kept wanting to hold her new human’s hand. When I first saw this video, I think I actually said “awww” out loud. Don’t worry, I was grossed out with myself too.

Hmmm… but now that I rewatch that video, I see something different. The human is shooting the video while driving and committed the unforgivable unholy sin of shooting that shit in dreaded portrait mode! So maybe that puppy friend isn’t trying to hold her human’s hand out of comfort. Maybe she’s trying to say, “Just stop the car and take me back, because I can’t live with a human who shoots videos in portrait mode.

Pic: YouTube

 

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