One of the most famous girls of the 90s, Blossom has a very important message for people who call anyone too old to wear a Blossom hat a “girl.” Last Thursday, Mayim Bialik posted a video on her YouTube channel with some thoughts on the matter called Girl vs. Woman: Why Language Matters. Mayim’s expertise in language clearly doesn’t lie in the language of YouTube videos, otherwise she’d know you’re required to start by saying: “Hey everyone, welcome back to my channel!”
Mayim really doesn’t like it when people refer to women in what Mayim calls “that super-narrow age range between 5-years-old and 55-years-old” as “girls.” Mayim’s teachable moment came after she was in a bar with two of her 40-year-old guy friends, and one of them called someone a “girl.” Mayim points out that adult men are seldom called “boys“, which sets up an unintentional imbalance and makes women seem inferior.
“When we use words to describe adult women that are typically used to describe children, it changes the way we view women, even unconsciously, so that we don’t equate them with adult men. In fact, it implies that they are inferior to men.”
She adds that calling a grown-ass woman a “girl” is outdated and insensitive, and that we know better now.
I’m with Mayim on this one. But that’s not to say it doesn’t come at a “be careful what you wish for” price. There’s something about hearing an employee at McDonald’s shout “this woman wants three extra slices of cheese on her cheeseburger” that is just so much more humiliating. It’s like a shady one-word way to tell someone they’re too old to still be treating their body like a dumpster. I really don’t need strangers to remind me of that.
When Benedict Cumberbatch’s wife Sophie let the world know that a second CumberBaby was growing in her womb by showing up to the premiere of Doctor Strange looking slightly bigger in the fetus growing area, the conspiracy theorist branch of the Cumberbitches immediately congratulated the makers of foam baby bumps. Well, the conspiracy theorizing Cumberbitches are now congratulating the makers of the Tiny Tears doll, because The Daily Mail says that Sophie Cumberbatch and B. Cums’ second kid is here.
Sarah Paulson, Cuba Gooding Jr., Kathy Bates, and some other cast members of American Horror Story: Roanoke all got together for a panel discussion at the 34th annual PaleyFest in Los Angeles on Sunday. Since Cuba seems to be currently starring in his own personal series called American Mess Story, Cuba decided to give everyone in the audience an eye-full of Sarah’s ass by yanking at the back of her skirt. As you may have guessed, some people were not having it.
On Saturday, Samira Wiley (aka Poussey from Orange Is The New Black) got married to her fiancée of five months, OITNB writer Lauren Morelli. All the details of their wedding are from Martha Stewart Weddings. Samira and Lauren got married in Palm Springs, CA, the ceremony was officiated by Samira’s parents, and they walked up the aisle to Montell Jordan’s This Is How We Do It.
This is 29-year-old Samira’s first marriage and 34/35-year-old Lauren’s second. Lauren was married to a man when she started writing for OITNB. Writing about Piper and Alex’s relationship made Lauren realize she was a lesbian, and that’s when she quit her husband after two years and got with Samira.
Martha Stewart Weddings also released a picture of their wedding day. They look like the cover of a romance novel called Don’t Let Your Uncle Sit On The Furniture, We Don’t Want Stains.
Major congrats are in order for @OITNB's @whododatlikedat + @lomorelli! 😍 We're sharing the first exclusive pic from their stunning Palm Springs wedding – and how amazing do these two look in custom @csiriano?! Check out our Stories to get all the wedding details! #marthaweddings 📷: @josevilla | 📋: @bethhelmstetter
Martha Stewart Weddings says that Samira and Lauren’s wedding was inspired by their love of Funfetti cake. But what Martha Stewart Weddings fails to mention is if they had a Funfetti wedding cake. Palm Springs is hot, and anyone who has ever gone to a summertime birthday party knows that Funfetti frosting doesn’t do heat. Thankfully they were covered in the event that the heat turned their dessert table into a melted pile of unicorn discharge. MSW says that Samira and Lauren walked into their reception to Justin Bieber’s Baby. Good thinking, girls. Your guests can’t be grossed out if they’re too busy trying to get that annoying song out of their heads.
They said “the White House is the place you oughta be”
Shampoodle looks like she was pulled out of the pastel-colored vagine of the 1980s, but she didn’t make her debut in toy stores until 1991. Sometime in the late 80s, Rub-A-Dub-Doggie and Lady Lovely Locks’ dog, Silky Pup, definitely conceived Shampoodle after a beautiful night of bareback fun, but the gestation time of a pastel dog toy must be at least a couple of years. Because Shampoodle was totally an 80s trick living in a 90s world.
Shampoodle was a bathtime toy from Hasbro and she was definitely Katy Perry’s biggest style icon. Shampoodle had stunning cotton candy polyester hair, a chest full of several magnificent bubble tits (I’ve counted like six) and she had a sparkle in her eyes from huffing the last glittery fumes that wafted off of the 80s.
While in the tub with Shampoodle, you’d fill her rubber body with shampoo and bathwater and squeeze her belly until a giant dollop of suds shot out of her head. So basically, you’d squeeze her so hard that her foam brains would pop out of her head. Since I put it that way, this commercial is like the most magical and adorable horror movie trailer ever.
Shampoodle wasn’t the hit she should’ve been and that’s because she was born too late. A child of the mid-80s would’ve completely appreciated a pastel poodle in a bubble two-piece who farted up foam from her head.
Shampoodle’s tagline was also, “Squeeze my tummy for lots of foamy bathtime fun.” Hasbro may be able to sue me for copyright infringement, because that’s dangerously close to a line in my Grindr profile: “Squeeze me for lots of foamy fun!”
Pic: Tumblr (For Debra)