Archives: June 2017

Night Crumbs

June 26, 2017 / Posted by:

While looking like the LSD baby of Tank Girl and Xuxa circa the 1980s, Katy Perry apparently held hands with Chris Martin at Glastonbury over the weekend. Orlando Bloom to Chris Martin? Okay, but Katy and Chris make sense as a couple to me and mostly because they both dress like rejected children’s show hosts from the 90s  – Lainey Gossip

Heidi Klum’s man, who must have a 10″ inch dick that jizzes diamonds, denies that he cheated on her – Celebitchy

Why did I think this was a SANS FARDS and younger Dorinda Medley for a quick millisecond? – Drunken Stepfather

Kenya Moore is still milking every last possible drop of attention out of her mystery wedding – Reality Tea

I don’t know what’s weirder: the fact that another Pitch Perfect was made or the fact that I laughed a few times during the trailer? – Pajiba

Minka Kelly and her hard nips took her dog for a walk – The Nip Slip 

I won’t be impressed until a greased-up Justin Trudeau marches in Toronto’s Pride Parade while wearing nothing but a Babadook thong – Towleroad

Alexandra Daddario is on the cover of GQ looking like she’s slowly pissing in the pool and hoping nobody notices – Hollywood Tuna 

Lily Collins’ exquisite eyebrows are modeling harder than she is – Popoholic

And yet I’d still rather sit through 1984 than Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on Broadway – Jezebel

Penn Badgley and Domino Kirke got married again for the people who missed it the first time – Popsugar

Are they laughing at his man bun or him getting blown? – SOW

And now let’s end this gross Monday with Charlie Hunnam working a pair of pajama bottoms while getting the trash can – Just Jared

Pic: Wenn.com

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A Teenage Gang Of Satan’s Minions Viciously Harassed Earth Angel Susan Boyle!

June 26, 2017 / Posted by:

It’s been two and-a-half years since Britain’s Got Talent superstar and former Hot Slut of the Week Susan Boyle has graced the front page of Dlisted, and I wish this long-awaited post was about something positive like her replacing Bette Midler in Hello, Dolly! on Broadway or her replacing Katy Perry as the head judge on American Idol. But this is a sad post that proves for the millionth time that all teenage boys should be banished from civilization and sent to live on a Lord of the Flies-like island, and yes, I say this as a trick who was once a teenage boy who should’ve been sent to live on a Lord of the Flies-like island.

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The New Han Solo Needed An Acting Coach

June 26, 2017 / Posted by:

Last week we find out that Ron Howard was hired to clean up the alleged mess left by directors Phil Lord and Christopher Miller after they were unable to get along with screenwriters Lawrence and Jon Kasdan (something The Hollywood Reporter claims was greeted with applause and cheers from the crew). Now we’re learning that Alden Ehrenreich, who plays young Han Solo, was given some mid-shoot acting lessons courtesy of a studio-hired acting coach.

To put it into terms Star Wars fans might better understand, Lucasfilm expected the Millennium Falcon, and what they got was a horse ride on an elderly bantha. Sources tell The Hollywood Reporter that Lucasfilm was “not entirely satisfied” with the performance they got from Alden under the direction of Lord and Miller, and so a coach was brought in. THR says hiring an acting coach is not out of the ordinary; acting coaches are brought in all the time. What makes this a little awkward is that one was hired so late into production. Alden Ehrenreich’s acting wasn’t the only thing Lucasfilm wanted to change; they have also replaced the film’s editor.

Surely Alden’s performance can’t be any worse than the “acting” that came out of Hayden Christensen. If it is, then thank god Ron Howard is now involved. All that time spent narrating Arrested Development makes him the ideal person to tell the story of this disaster.

Pic: Wenn.com

Open Post: Hosted By  Alexander Skarsgard’s Sunburnt Nips 

June 26, 2017 / Posted by:

Tall glass of Swedish leche, Alexander Skarsgard, is still in Capri, and yesterday the paps took pictures of him sunning his nipple knobs on a yacht. Poor ASkars’ skin looks about as hot as genitals get when its owner looks at shirtless pictures of him. His burnt-up body could really use a wet visit from some aloe vera. So on that note, I’m going to leave this here:

shapeshiftingspellaskars2017

Sure that’s a spell to turn you into a shapeshifting animal, but I bet you could turn yourself into aloe vera instead. But before you shapeshift into aloe vera, make sure to give a trustworthy friend specific instructions on how to FedEx you to ASkars in Capri. Because you don’t want to go to all the trouble of shapeshifting into aloe vera only to find yourself getting spread all over a piece that ain’t ASkars.

Pics: Backgrid

Kelly Osbourne Pissed Herself And Blamed It On Starbucks 

June 26, 2017 / Posted by:

File this under: Information Your Brain Really Needed Today.

Kelly Osbourne marched in NYC’s Pride Parade yesterday and sometime during the afternoon, she had a Detrol commercial moment and had to go, had to go, had to go right then. So Kelly went into a Starbucks to piss and she says the rude ass employees wouldn’t let her use their toilet, so she had no choice but to make like she was Ray J and her shoes were Kim Kartrashian’s ass. She busted a golden showers show and got piss in her shoes.

Sure, you might be thinking that Kelly could’ve just bought a fucking cookie to use the bathroom, but then she wouldn’t have pissed on herself and gotten attention for it by tweeting. And even if she did buy a fucking cookie, she still wouldn’t be able to use the bathroom since that Starbucks doesn’t have one!

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T.J. Miller Just Burned A Whole Lot Of Bridges

June 26, 2017 / Posted by:

The fourth season finale of HBO’s Silicon Valley aired last night, and with it came the final appearance of mess fest T.J. Miller. Last month it was announced that T.J. and producers had “mutually agreed” that the fourth season would be his last. T.J. talked to The Hollywood Reporter about leaving the show, and he might have helped solve a blind item by going full-smug asshole during the interview.

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