Archives: April 2018

Night Crumbs

April 23, 2018 / Posted by:

The Rock became a daddy for the third time after his girlfriend Lauren Hashian gave birth to a daughter they named after a Disney princess. No, not Moana after the movie he was in. The Rock and Lauren named their daughter Tiana, the name of the princess from The Princess and the Frog. As Moana sheds tears of rejection, The Rock’s little pebble is probably thinking to herself, “Daddy, please don’t flex those Mount Everest-sized muscle tits or I’ll go flying across the room.” – Just Jared

Oh, Zoe Kravitz, I said the same thing and then spent my 30th year and beyond doing nothing but binge-watching old episodes of Aaron Spelling shows while licking spilled nacho cheese off of my sweatshirt. Although, licking spilled nacho cheese off of my sweatshirt is pretty productive, if you ask me  – Celebitchy

As Prince Hot Ginge got pushed further away from the throne thanks to a new baby, he attended a memorial with Meghan MarkleLainey Gossip

Whoever this Faith Stowers is, she needs to steal herself some better clothes – Reality Tea

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Allison Mack Has Pled Not Guilty To Sex Trafficking

April 23, 2018 / Posted by:

Last Friday, Allison Mack made any future Smallville reunions awkward when she was arrested in Brooklyn, New York for her involvement in NXIVM, a sex cult masquerading as a self-help group. She was arrested less than a month after NXIVM’s leader, Keith Ranier (aka “Vanguard“), was arrested in Mexico for sex trafficking. Just like Keith did, Allison pleaded not guilty to sex trafficking.

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Beyoncé Was Saved By The Beyhive After Falling At Coachella

April 23, 2018 / Posted by:

If you’re gonna take a little tumble in front of thousands of people, please do yourself a favor and be Beyoncé. Mere mortals who fall face myriad dangers such as, but not limited to; broken bones, chipped teeth, wig misalignment, a spike in humility, compromised vanity, mortification, a bruised ego, a bruised ass and tears. But when Beyoncé falls, as she did during her second Coachella set this weekend, it’s as if the fluttering of a billion little bee wings surrounded their queen to protect her from harm and humiliation by creating puff of air which hoisted Bey back up off the ground.

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Tristan Thompson Reportedly Shopped For Potential Side-Pieces On Instagram

April 23, 2018 / Posted by:

When Tristan Thompson got caught cheating on Khloé Kardashian two weeks ago, the other woman in question was reportedly an Instagram model. That shouldn’t come as a surprise. A source tells UsWeekly that when Tristan wanted to engage in extracurricular hook-ups, he employed the age-old sleazeball method of sliding into DMs. And what kind of girls is he going for? Let’s just say it’s not an accident he ended up with a Kardashian with a stress ball ass.

“Tristan slides into girls’ DMs,” a source tells Us. “He messages girls that way, on Instagram, and then meets up with them. He likes exotic or non-American-looking girls with big butts.”

After Tristan’s dirty dog antics were revealed, one source claimed that Khloé was willing to forgive him because the women were just “stupid groupies.” Except now we know that there’s a chance they weren’t just evil tramps waiting outside the locker room after the game. Tristan was the one doing the courting. How very polite and Canadian of him, approaching those women and asking them if they’d accompany him on a date. I wonder if he also included a rose emoji with his eggplant?

So not only did he get caught cheating, he also allegedly cheated using the Kardashian family’s favorite attention-whoring platform. But does it even matter? According to UsWeekly, Tristan is “incredibly remorseful,” and Khloé might drop her guard and invite him back into her life, because she loves him “unconditionally.” There should be one condition: that Tristan trades in his iPhone for an old Nokia 3310. If Tristan really wants to get laid on the sly, he’s got to put in the work with 20 minutes of annoyingly slow T9 texting first.

Pic: Instagram

Leonardo DiCaprio And His 20-Year-Old Girlfriend Went On Vacation With His Mom

April 23, 2018 / Posted by:

Leonardo DiCaprio is still on his constantly sold out “No Old Ladies Ever!” tour with his current girlfriend, 20-year-old model Camila Morrone, and it’s super serious, y’all. He took her to Coachella…and came back with her. That’s progress, Leo. You could have easily left her behind with the rest of the tweens and she would have found her way home. Now Leo and Camila are taking a vacation together – with his mom!

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Open Post: Hosted By A North Carolina Burger Joint’s Tarantula Challenge

April 23, 2018 / Posted by:

I’m going to have to go out and get another job doing manual labor out in the NOPE fields in order to harvest enough of them to accurately convey my reaction to the tarantula burger made by Bull City Burger in Durham, North Carolina. In fact, I predict it might ignite a global NOPE shortage the scale of which we have not seen since September. Here’s a hot commodities tip, sell pork bellies and frozen concentrated orange juice, buy NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPES.

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