Archives: May 2018

Open Post: Hosted By The Miley Cyrus Of Squirrels

May 20, 2018 / Posted by:

No, the “Miley Cyrus” of squirrels isn’t Miley Cyrus thirsty for attention in a squirrel costume. It’s this actual squirrel contending with a Yankee Flipper in this video (via Mashable) set to her song “Wrecking Ball.” Exactly what is a Yankee Flipper? If you guessed “a move that J.Lo pulls on A-Rod during sexy times,” you were wrong!

For those not in the bird feeding game, there is a type of motorized, weight-activated bird feeder called the Yankee Flipper, which spins interloping squirrels around in the circle until they lose their grip on its base.

You gotta give “The Miley Cyrus of Squirrels” some credit. He’s tenacious like you read about.

Pic: YouTube

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Amber Rose Feels That Trump Is Kanye West In A White Man’s Body

May 20, 2018 / Posted by:

She should have announced this at a reception kicking off some sort of awareness campaign because, if true, that’s a serious problem and we need to strive for a cure. Kanye West’s ex-girlfriend, skivvies sniffer Amber Rose, thinks that her ex and President Trump share personalities and that Trump is “Kanye in a white man’s body.Continue reading

Director Luc Besson Has Been Accused Of Rape

May 20, 2018 / Posted by:

Is there anyone left in Hollywood who’s been the direct inspiration for a #MeToo hashtag that hasn’t been rounded up yet? I see you, James Woods! French film director and Captain America’s arch-nemesis Luc Besson gave us movies like The Fifth Element (“Multi-pass!“) and Lucy. He also allegedly gave a woman something straight out of the Cosby catalog – a drug in her tea that knocked her out so he could allegedly rape her. Europe 1 (via the NY Daily News) reports that an unnamed actress filed a complaint against Besson on Friday morning, accusing him of drugging and raping her. Continue reading

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Meghan Markle’s Dad Wants The Rest Of The Family To STFU

May 20, 2018 / Posted by:

The Markle family continues to entertain…. Daddy Thomas Markle was among the members of the now Duchess’ family that were acting crazy before the big day. And by “acting crazy,” I mean “selling her ass out.” Dad seems to have changed his tune. He’s publicly called for the Markles to close their mouths about the wedding and marriage. Dad must have realized that he needs to get it together if he ever wants to make it past the guards at Kensington Palace to see his daughter again.

To recap, Dad made his own grab for the attention spirit stick by flip-flopping about attending and getting paid to stage a corny photoshoot. He even got (elective?) heart surgery which prevented him from going and to keep the spotlight where it belonged – on him! (Prince Tampon walked Meghan down the aisle in his stead.)

TMZ (of course) spoke with Thomas post-ceremony. He expressed regret about “not being able to be there and not being able to hold my daughter’s hand.” More interestingly, he also expressed a wish for his other children to put it on mute.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 20, 2018 / Posted by:

Keebler Elfin Loaves!

The tagline for Keebler Elfin Loves was “Just Like My Used To Make!” I don’t know whose mom they’re talking about, because unless their Elfin Loves were actually a toasted hot dog bun covered with Parkay and garlic powder and served with some spaghetti, then they’re not talking about my mom. Because my mom never made bread that looked like that shit.

Sometime in the 80s, Keebler started selling little elf-sized loaves of packaged bread that came in flavors like blueberry, banana, carrot, raisin. They were sold in the freezer section, and to get them to the temperature of “just pulled out of the oven by somebody’s mom who just baked it” (again, not my mom), you’d throw it in the microwave or a toaster oven. These were definitely around toward the end of my grade school years, because I remember that they’d sell them at the ice cream table at my school, and then you’d take one to the cafeteria lady to warm up. I know, you’d think I went to a $25,000 a year private school after hearing about the gourmet delicacies we got to feast on.

Elfin loaves, which sound like a really cutesy name for shit logs out of an elf’s ass, didn’t really last that long, I don’t think. They’re definitely not around today, which means that if some of us want bread like our mom used to bake, we have to toast a hot dog bun and slather it with margarine and garlic powder.

Pic: YouTube

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Birthday Sluts

May 20, 2018 / Posted by:

Embed from Getty Images

Jane Wiedlin (60)
Jack Gleeson (26)
Naturi Naughton (34)
Sierra Boggess (36)
Rachel Platten (37)
Matt Czuchry (41)
Chad Muska (41)
Busta Rhymes (46)
Tony Stewart (47)
Timothy Olyphant (50)
Dan Abrams (52)
Mindy Cohn (52)
Gina Ravera (52)
Ted Allen (53)
Tony Goldwyn (58)
Bronson Pinchot (59)
Judy Kuhn (60)
Ron Reagan (60)
Cindy McCain (64)
David Paterson (64)
Dave “Not The Wendy’s One” Thomas (69)
Cher (72)
Constance Towers (85)

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