In news that shocked literally every living human alive on the planet today, tomorrow and ever in time, Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson broke up this weekend. I know, I was shocked as the rest of you. TMZ is now saying that they have insight into what broke up the couple and shockingly it’s not because Pete wouldn’t stop talking about what the inside of her vagina looked like.
Nobody has won Powerball or Mega Millions, and their jackpots have hit $345 million and $654 million, respectively. But if you put money on “October 14, 2018″ as the day it’s announced that a priest gives the last rites to the meaning of True Love, then you’re already a big winner. Although, honestly, we’re all losers today since it’s obvious there’s no such thing as everlasting love.
Usually an Ariana Grande video features her whipping that ponytail back and forth and forgetting how to pronounce at least a third of the consonants in her lyrics. That has made it where I honestly can’t tell the difference in any of her videos, but Ariana is on to my ass. “Breathin” is the latest single off her latest album, and the video finally dropped. BUT! Instead of featuring herself in the video, Ariana put in her pet pig Piggy Smalls!
Based on the film quality, I guess the Grande family still has a Panasonic VHS handheld recorder because it looks like this was a straight-up DIY music video set. It looks like it was shot at the apartment Ariana shares with Pete Davidson. Piggy is a new addition to the Grande-Davidson household, as Ariana only just started showing him off on Instagram in September. Pete has already gotten a tattoo of him, which shouldn’t surprise anyone. I just hope they show the same kind of love to their bird: TuSquawk. I know, I know: I’ll let myself out.
Kanye West went full-on contrary political rant baby on last weekend’s Saturday Night Live season premiere. After performing as a Perrier bottle, Kanye had a meltdown at the end of the show which continued through the end credits. In it, he bitched out the media for being anti-Trump, claimed SNL bullied him for wearing a MAGA hat on the show and announced again he was running for POTUS in 2020. Whatever happened to everyone embracing and waiting for the red light on the camera to click off so they could go blow rails at the afterparty? Ariana Grande’s current beau Pete Davidson is one of the more recognizable SNL cast members and he appeared on the show’s “Weekend Update” segment last night to put “YE” on jokey blast.
Ariana Grande Dropped Out Of Performing On The “Saturday Night Live” Premiere Due To Emotional Distress
Tonight is the premiere of Saturday Night Live’s 44th season, and while I am usually passed out by the time it airs, I’m looking forward to watching the cast nail Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh‘s balls to the wall in it’s anticipated reenactment of this week’s Senate Committee on the Judiciary hearings. Ariana Grande was supposed to the musical guest tonight and she would have been PERFECT in a cameo roll as Alyssa Milano, who got major airtime as the perfectly contoured little head over Brett’s shoulder during the majority of his testimony. But it now looks as if Pete Davidson will have to be without Ariana for at least a full two hours, because she’s dropped out at the last minute citing “emotional reasons“.
Pete Davidson is an open book. Grab yourself a blunt, have a seat in that comfy chair and crack open The Life Of Pete in front of a cozy tire-fire. While it won’t be winning any fancy literary awards, it’s got a solid 2.8 on Goodreads. I’ve read it; it’s part Catcher In The Rye, part Oliver Twist and part Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt. Pete recently appeared on the Howard Stern’s SiriusXM show and to no one’s surprise, Pete frankly, and in too much detail, talked about sex, drugs, and in a dark twist, his incinerated father. No that is not a typo.