Prepare For The Wrath Of The Swifties And The Beyhive: Taylor Swift And Beyonce Were Shut Out Of The Major Grammy Categories
Every single Grammy voter better arm themselves with RAID Beyhive spray (yes, they make that) and Katy Purry Purrfume (a cat dies every time I type that), because their Gods, Taylor Swift and Beyonce, were denied a nomination in the major categories. The Grammy nominations were announced this morning, and while Tay Tay and Bey Bey were thrown some nominations (aka PITY NOMS!), they didn’t make it into Album of the Year, Record of the Year or Song of the Year. They also didn’t make the Best New Artist cut, and no, they’re far from new, but I’m sure their fans are screaming, “They reinvent themselves with each album they do so they’re a new artist each time!!!!”
Meanwhile, Post Malone, who I’m convinced is a Shia LaBeouf performance art piece based on his favorite Garbage Pail Kid, got nominations for AOTY and ROTY. The Beyhive better not even try to come for Post Malone, because the mutated gnats always buzzing around him will bite off their heads. They’ve been warned.
The problem with living your life very publicly, sharing every fart, ass-mole, and detail about your dick, is that it’s hard to shut the door because you’ve already let the riff raff inside. Pete Davidson’s learning this lesson the hard way. Yesterday Pete posted a plea on Instagram for people, namely fans of his ex partner-in-overexposure Ariana Grande, to stop bullying him online and telling him to kill himself when they meet him in the streets. Luckily for Pete, while Ariana may not not have his dad’s badge number tattooed on her foot anymore, she’s still got his back.
Since her public breakup, Ariana Grande seems to have been doing well by releasing a hit song about her exes called thank u, next, and a video that had fans of 2000s-era teen girl movies screaming into their Juicy Couture tracksuits. The same can’t be said for Pete Davidson. Despite getting a big dick energy shout-out in the video for thank u, next, he’s had to move back in with his mom and publicly apologize for a joke gone wrong. Apparently that’s only the half of it.
I’m in Ptown this weekend (Yes, I know it’s still working hours. Shhhh.), and I immediately knew a half hour ago when Ariana Grande released the full “thank u, next” video because the entire street was filled with squealing as though Boston had just won the Super Series or whatever it’s called. And that was just from me. After what seems like weeks of posting cosplay from every RomCom made in the early-2000s, the video about being oh-so-grateful for exes has dropped, so it’s only natural Kris Jenner made the cut for the Mean Girls arc and not Lindsay Lohan.
The poor people of Greece had been through enough with their economy in the tube…and then came Lindsay Lohan. LiLo has been singing the corneas off the Greek isles with her dance moves of her own night club while filming a reality show that sounds like a poor man’s Vanderpump Rules, which is saying something since that entire cast seems like a giant case of Bank of America overdraft fees. I guess they have enough footage of Lindsay splitting time between showing Paris Hilton how a faux-DJ really “works” and paying off the bounces to keep Dina Lohan out of sight because MTV filed papers that indicate the show will air sometime in 2019 – and may even have a title!
The Blast says they got a hold of Viacom (MTV’s parent company) documents that reveal the show that was originally called Lohan Beach Club was renamed Lindsay Lohan: Paradise Boss. Considering the average MTV viewer was probably a zygote the last time LiLo had a hit flick, I’m not holding my breath on ratings, but the network seems to have faith in generating something out of Lindsay that is more than whatever it was Oprah was trying when she had a go at the LiLo reality show circus. MTV later came out with a statement that the Paradise Boss title is an old one and that a bigger announcement will come sometime this week to fully promote the show.
The Viacom docs promise live action, comedy, AND drama. I personally got enough of all three in the one Instagram of her dancing, so I think Ima pass on the show like Ariana Grande passed on having LiLo be a part of that Mean Girls homage in her next video!
Are there any early aughts Rom-Coms that Ariana Grande hasn’t sniped for her next video? Ariana has been teasing that her upcoming video for “thank u, next” for weeks now, and it has everything from Legally Blonde to Bring It On to 13 Going On 30, giving many an early-00s actor or actress a much-needed jolt to their SAG card. The one she’s been teasing most has been the Mean Girls stretch of the video where she plays Regina George and has a blend of impersonators and actual cast members reprising their roles. No, the video still isn’t out, but a trailer is. And Linsday Lohan wasn’t invited.