Jennifer Garner shuffles out to her mailbox and grabs her latest issue of Us Weekly, moments later she’s bent over the kitchen counter positively howling with laughter as she reads that Shauna Sexton claims dating Ben Affleck for 2-months “really scarred” her. As she wipes the tears from her face and collects herself, she’s set off again by the absurdity of it all, her peals of laughter echoing through the house. Yes, Us Weekly reports that dating Ben wasn’t all laughs and hamburgers. And I guess this means they’re broken up for real this time.
Ben Affleck and Kevin Smith’s friendship used to be like a Jersey Mike’s club sub version of Leonardo DiCaprio and Martin Scorsese. A few years ago, we learned that Kevin and Ben weren’t exactly on speaking terms, and the blame was placed – by Kevin – on Jennifer Garner not liking him. Ben and Jen aren’t together anymore, but that doesn’t mean that Ben hasn’t run back into the arms of Kevin Smith.
As reported by People, recent divorcees Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner must have been granted shared custody of the state of Montana when their divorce was finalized. The former Affleck-Garner family took a “long-planned” trip to spend Thanksgiving together in Big Sky Country this past week. Ben and Jen and the kids have celebrated multiple holidays there in the past. And there was nary a Playmate or a burger robot CEO hanging around to make things even more tense then they probably were.
Bennifer 2.0 is no more! Although it seems like it took longer than it took to cram Ben into his Batsuit, the Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner divorce was actually pretty painless and amicable, compared to others we’ve seen. Especially if you ignore that whole waiting for Ben to dry out business (twice!).
According to TMZ, a judge has signed off on the final documents in their divorce, and the two are now single and free to pursue any Playboy Bunnies or Robot Hamburger Men they choose. And they did it all without hiring any lawyers! Well, they did hire Laura Wasser, Divorce Attorney To The Stars, but she only acted as a mediator.
That sneaky Jennifer Garner has been lying to us! The recent reports about what’s been in Jennifer’s wallet only revealed that she was “open to dating”, but it turns out she’s been stuffing condoms in her wallet for the last six months! Us Weekly reports that Jen’s been dating John Miller, a tech CEO who makes hamburger flipping robots for an In-N-Out knockoff called CaliBurger. Sources say “They’ve been together six months — and it’s getting pretty serious”. And to think, this whole time she was throwing us off her trail by driving Ben to Jack In The Box instead!
Just two days ago, everyone reported 46-year-old recent rehab graduate Ben Affleck and his 22-year-old Playboy model girlfriend Shauna Sexton broke up after about two months. Well, Shauna might be harder to shake than The Nanny, because she doesn’t think she’s Ben’s ex-girlfriend just yet.
Ben and Shauna had just returned from a trip to Montana, and everything seemed a-ok in their world. Then a day later, a source spoke to People, saying they’d broken up, and that Ben was focusing on his sobriety, his family, and his next project. Shauna tells DailyMailTV that it’s not true:
“I know [there are lots of unnamed insiders] – and they just make shit up, just like this. Don’t believe everything you read.”
“It was casual to begin with, and wasn’t the right move. It was newish. They were really only sort of seeing each other for about four weeks. He broke it off. It was more about realizing [a casual relationship] wasn’t the right thing for him.”
Another source tells People that the split was the relationship equivalent of a casual, apathetic shrug, because Ben and Shauna weren’t much of anything in the first place. So what does this bring us to now, two for broken up and one for still together? Shauna might want to come up with a different strategy for convincing us she’s still with Ben, because right away, she’s already outnumbered 2-to-1. She needs hard proof, like another Jack In The Box run with Ben. We’ll pretty much know for sure what’s up if “Ben” looks suspiciously like a promotional movie theater carboard cutout of Batman.